Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The day I cleaned up poop for an HOUR

This didn't happen today, it actually happened about 2 weeks ago. I didn't think it was the least bit funny at the time. In fact, it was the most annoying day of my entire life (exaggeration not included). Even though it kind of makes me mad to recall this day, I'm going to tell you anyway. Because you will probably think it's funny.

It all started on a Wednesday evening. Trent was gone for work and it was just me and the little puppy, Gracie Belle Raines, home by ourselves. 

Looking adorable in the coat that she hates. Serves her right.

I was busy cooking dinner when I heard a little "scrape scrape scrape" coming from the living room. It was the infamous sound of Gracie scraping her feet on the carpet after going potty. I, of course, sprinted in there yelling (as if I could do anything about it) and under our table sat 3 humongous turds.

When I say humongous turds, I mean like golf ball sized. It was more damage than I have ever seen her make. She is small dog. I don't know how 3 golf balls could even fit in that little tummy of hers, but they did. And I know they weren't from earlier in the day because they were warm.

Anyway, so I run and grab some paper towels, all while holding my breath because it smelled THAT. BAD. Like SOOOOOO bad. It is never a question whether or not she has gone in the house because you just KNOW.

So I use a big paper towel to pick up all 3 poops. I keep the wad of paper towel in my right hand while I scrub the floor with cleaner with my left, praying that it doesn't stain our rented apartment's carpet. As I'm busy scrubbing, that little twit came up behind me and took the poopy paper towel right out of my hands and BOLTED! I should have knows. She loves paper towels. 

Looking all cute and innocent. LIES!

That little dog ran so fast. The paper towel full of poop opened up as I chased her across the house, screaming like a crazy person. Her short little legs couldn't help but trip on it. As she tripped, more crap fell out and she galloped right over it, crushing poop into the carpet with every step.

I yelled and chased and she went for the only spot that I couldn't reach her...under the bed. Of course. I get on my belly and start YELLING for her to get out. She just prances around like she won something. MAYBE YOU WON A NEW HOME YOU LITTLE BRAT!!

And so begins the game of me reaching underneath the bed trying to pull an arm or leg or head or anything to get that little stinker out from under there.  Finally I grab her back end and yank her out. She immediately got put in her kennel while I examined the destruction. 

Tiny Puppy in a cup

I didn't know if I should cry or laugh so it turned out to be kind of a combination of both...me all like "Oh...my gosh. Oh...my gosh. Oh...my gosh." I mean there was poop EVERYWHERE!!! There is no exaggeration when I say that I spent an entire hour cleaning up dog crap. A WHOLE HOUR!!! I used an entire bottle of carpet cleaner and burned through several candles just to try and mask the smell. Little twit.

So that is the story of how I almost murdered my dog spent an hour cleaning up poop. It is a good thing she is so cute, otherwise she may be living on a farm right now.

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