Friday, February 22, 2013

Stuck in my coat for 2 HOURS

I broke the zipper on my coat last week. I figured now would be a good time to share a little story from a few years back, since apparently I have a tendency to break coats.

The day I got suck in my coat for 2 Hours

I was in college at MU.

It was a VERY brisk winter morning. Since you literally have to park a mile away when commuting to Mizzou's campus, I decided to wear 2 pairs of pants and like 6 shirts on my upper half (I'm exaggerating. It was more like 4 shirts).

I could care less what I look like while trekking around campus, so I zipped my coat alllll the way up to my chin and pulled that drawstring TIGHT on my hood. You get the picture...all you see are my eyes.

For some reason, I always justified walking REALLY fast to class. Less time in the cold. When I finally get inside the building, I immediately start sweating. That's just the way it goes.

So on this particular day, I get to my class with like seconds to spare. Not uncommon.

I plop down in the very front row of my 500 person lecture hall, mostly because I was late and that was the only available spot without having to sit directly next to a stranger.

I take off my hood and start to unzip my coat. It decides to get stuck about halfway down my neck.

When a zipper gets stuck, most people zip it back up and try again, hoping it will work a second time. Well it didn't. My zipper is now stuck at the very tippy top of my chin. Borderline touching my mouth. PANIC.

At this point class is starting. I'm making ALL KINDS of ruckus trying to unzip myself. It's that swooshie plastic-ey sound that you can't avoid. SORRY!

Eventually I realize that I am distracting 500 people with my squirming so I stop.

I am now SWEATING. Hardcore sweating. It is literally rolling down my face. There isn't an item of clothing I can shed. I AM STUCK.

Class gets over. I just so happen to have my next class in the same auditorium.

I have 10 minutes. I go at it again, pulling the zipper up and back down and up and back down. After several minutes I get the coat free to my collar bones. I'm thinking that's probably enough space to pull over my head.

NOPE. I get the zipper over my mouth but can't quite get it past my nose. My arms are up in the air and I'm flailing around like a crazy. Then my hair gets stuck. I just look embarrassing.

I flip the coat back down and take a moment to breathe.

I would have laughed at me if I wasn't me.

I'm going through some possible scenarios in my head. "Am I literally going to have to cut this thing off of my body?" Feathers would fly everywhere. More thoughts. More panic.

I remember I have an interview following my next class. Interviews make me sweaty enough as is. I decide I ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO GET THIS OFF!

Out of pure panic I take both sides of the zipper and try to break it off my body. I don't care if I ruin the coat permanently at this point. I am sweaty and hot and I am NOT about to sit through another class with this thing on.

NOPE AGAIN. I make little to no progress with that technique. Class starts. I am stuck again.

An hour, and lots of sweating later, class lets out.

I am SICK AND TIRED of being stuck in this thing. I pull both sides of that zipper as hard as I can. I am actually straining to break open a plastic zipper. Pathetic, I know.

Rip. Rip. Rip. Rip. Rip. Rip.

I make enough progress to pull that thing open to my rib cage and yank it over my head. HALLELUJAH! I AM FREE!!!!

I get to my interview all sweaty, but relieved. I apologize for my appearance and tell them I was stuck in my coat for 2 hours. They laugh. I get the job. I buy a new coat. The End.

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