...Just kidding it was a really hot humid day and Trent and I were sunburned and tired after a long day at the pool.
We just finished watching an episode of New Girl, our favie show, and I went to the bathroom to brush my teeths and comb my hur.
When I flipped on the light I could have sworn a huge black bug flew above my head. I turned around to see nothing there and went about my business.
About 2 minutes later I see something black shoot out of my closet. In my head I'm like "Oh my gosh. GRACIE! Did you poop in my closet again!?"
2 seconds later I hear Trent YELLING in the bedroom.
"THERE'S A BIRD IN HERE!!!!"
I sprint over there to see a bird flying around the room
...so I sprint back to the bathroom and slam the door shut.
I'm like "OH MY GOSH! What is happening!?!?!"
Trent came to my rescue about 2 minutes later.
"It was a bird or a bat or something! It flew around the room in circles like 10 times then flew downstairs!"
*Insert my shrieks of horror here*
Trent noticed that you couldn't hear the wings flapping. After a quick google search, he determined it was a bat.
IS THIS REAL LIFE!?!?
Trent says some comforting words "There is only a 1% chance it has rabies."
I covered every possible inch of my body and set out to find the hidden bat downstairs.
Trent wore a leather bomber jacket. He was just being tough.
We crept downstairs, me completely unarmed and trent with a broom in hand.
Well, I guess I was kind of armed -I was using Gracie as a doggie shield.
So we look through the living room.
Then dining room.
Nothing. He has to be in the basement.
If you live in an old house, you KNOW how creepy old basements can be. I don't like being down there on a bright, sunny day. And here I am, HUNTING A BAT in all the rafters and cob webs of my basement.
So I crouched behind Trent pretty much the whole time, half hoping we find the little critter, half hoping we don't.
After a thorough search we realize he is not in the basement....
which means he is upstairs in our living space. My clean, rabies free living space.
We go upstairs and start thinking of sneaky places to hide.
After a few failed attempts, WE FIND THAT LITTLE TWERP HIDING IN THE CURTAINS!!!
WHY GOD!? WHY IS THERE A BAT IN MY HOUSE!?
I take a picture, then sprint away quickly.
Trent decides we need a strategy. That's my man -always analyzing the situation. I'm all like "KILL HIM WITH A BROOM! RIGHT NOWWWWW!"
Trent finds a cardboard box to use as a shield and opens the front door to provide an exit for the bat. I'm told to stand at the top of the living room stairs with Gracie and scare it if it tries to go back upstairs.
At this point I'm like hardcore sweating. First reason being that I am in sweat pants and a jacket -with the hood synched all the way to my nose. Second being I AM TERRIFIED!
Trent starts poking the curtains with the end of the broom to convince the bat to fly out. After a few tries, it starts flying around the room.
I am borderline about the have a panic attack at this point.
The bat is flying DIRECTLY at me at the top of the stairs. I use Gracie to shield my face and SCREAM BLOODY MURDER until it turns the other direction.
I'm a really good parent.
Meanwhile Trent is standing in the middle of the living room yelling so the bat uses its super sonic powers or whatever to find that sound is escaping out the front door.
And the stupid bat keeps flying.
"ARE YOU BLIND!?!?" Oh wait... ha.
So after what felt like eternity, that little turd decided to land in the EXACT SAME SPOT that it did the first time.
Trent comes up with a new strategy: He wants me to SCRAPE AND BANG A COOKIE SHEET so the bat can hear the sound escape out the door.
...Yes this is real life.
So Trent starts poking at it again. I'm at the top of the stairs half laughing half crying that this is our life right now.
Trent finally annoys it enough that it starts flying around the room again.
It flies INCHES from Trent's face before shooting over to my corner of the room. On top of my intense cookie sheet noises, I am screaming at the top of my lungs in pure horror.
All the while our front door is wide open...it's nearing about 11:00pm. No doubt the neighbors think we are absolutely insane.
That stupid little bat flies around for AT LEAST 5 more minutes before it decides it has tortured us enough and flies on out the door like it knew it was there the whole time.
Trent runs and shuts the front door. SWEET VICTORY!!!
At this point we are literally out of breath. Trent is laughing. I'm thanking God for not getting rabies.
Here is what our battle grounds looked like the next morning...
Since this happened 3 days ago I have ducked after walking into a dark room at least 10 times.
I have also identified every half inch hole that leads to our attic, which is apparently all it takes for a bat to squeeze in. THINK ABOUT THAT!
Trent did tell me today that bats eat 1000 mosquitos an hour...so after I heard that statistic, I wasn't even all that mad.
EAT ALL THE MOSQUITOS YOU WANT YOU LITTLE TWERP BAT! Just eat them on the OUTSIDE of my house. That's fine.
Also don't fly at my face. Or I may kill you with a broom.
Thanks. Love you. Bye.