Yes. $4.50. That's 15 cents a minute. What is this?! Communist Russia!? (jokes)
I started thinking about all of the ridiculous things associated with flying. My mind just couldn't stop. The things we accept as "normal" are in fact, silly.
SEAT BELT EXPLANATION
Before takeoff the flight attendant tells you how a seat belt works. The only people that need to hear this are probably over the age of 100. And to those people I would say, "Is it really safe for you to be flying on an airplane?"
I heard a comedian complain about the pointless information a pilot gives during the flight and ever since, I can't help but think of it.
On this particular flight, our pilot gave the WHOLE explanation.
"Hello folks! Thank you for flying Delta. Today we are flying from Kansas City to Atlanta!"
Thank you for the clarification on where this flight is going.
"We will be flying south at approximately 11,000ft, working our way up to 26,000ft, taking a southeastern route towards Atlanta."
Telling me the altitude of our flight is 11,000ft is 100% irrelevant. What does that even mean? For any of you pilots out there, I want a one sentence explanation that is this: "We will be on time." Done.
Ohhhh Sky Mall.
I want to know whose idea it was to make a magazine full of pointless products and put it on the back of every airplane seat in America.
Not only are the products pointless, they are SO expensive! I sat next to a kid from London this week. He asked if American dogs use these:
A faux dog yard for $279.99. I am actually embarrassed.
But of course I thought it was hilarious and asked to take a picture. 'Merica
Majority of flights offer complimentary drinks. Let's think about that. A moving vehicle is flying through the air (at 11,000ft...whatever that means) and we have choices. And not just 2 or 3 but over 16 complimentary drink options. And no one thinks this is excessive.
The guy that sat next to me on Monday asked for coffee with cream and sugar. I just couldn't get over the ridiculousness of the flight attendant diligently pouring two tiny creams and two tiny sugars into boiling hot coffee inside a plane going hundreds of miles an hour. WHY IS THIS NORMAL!?
On top of a drink of your choice, you get a snack. Because we can't live for a single hour without a snack.
And they serve peanuts. Did you know there's over 3 million people in the US allergic to peanuts? I know several personally. Sometimes they don't even have to physically eat a peanut to develop a reaction. I love peanuts just as much as the next guy, but serving them in an enclosed space flying thousands of feet above the ground seems kind of stupid.
Why don't airplanes serve something awesome, like little debbie zebra cakes? Or how about a health conscious option. Can we get some baby carrots up in here!?!?!
From the mind of a non-techy person, I want to know why I have to put my phone on airplane mode. And then I get to turn it back on after the plane reaches 10,000ft (the pilot announces this, of course). Does my cell phone actually interfere with anything? Is this just a big joke that everyone has been following for 20 years?
As an act of rebellion, I never turn on my airplane mode. TAKE THAT DELTA!!
NO SMOKING SIGNS
Just. Why? There are a million things you shouldn't do on planes. For example: spraying excessive amounts of perfume, using a blow horn, eating tuna, peeing your pants. I put these all on a similar level of common sense. And I want to know why there isn't a no tuna sign. I would probably pick the scent of smoke over tuna any day. Yet the airlines just reallllly want to make it clear for the people who haven't flown in 20+ years that smoking is not ok. #notunaonplanes
I could get into the process of checking bags, but that seems a little excessive. Of course it is logical to be forced to throw out a good bottle of 12oz Chi hairspray, but get to keep 5 travel sized 3oz lotions in my carryon.
That's the end of my airplane rant. #notuna #littledebbies4life