Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Trent's Motorcycle Ad

Trent got a motorcycle a few years back and worked long and hard for a full summer to get it to "run like a dream" (as he says).

When we moved to Kansas last year, his motorcycle insurance literally went up 300%. Must be the Kansas "no helmet law". Or maybe the fact that Kansans drive like IDIOTS and require higher insurance rates.

Whatever the reason, I took a stab at convincing Trent to sell it. Mostly because it was expensive. But also because riding on the back of a motorcycle in Kansas is terrifying.

I told him he could use the trade in money + whatever insurance would have cost for the year and buy WHATEVER HE WANTS.

This isn't manipulation you guys, this is KNOWING YOUR AUDIENCE.

The next day I got a text from Trent with a link to his craigslist ad.

I about died laughing while sitting AT WORK. Apparently a craigslist jeep ad somewhere inspired Trent to write this little number....

First of all if you are looking for a “mamby pamby moped” you my friend, should keep looking. If you are looking for a short description of the beast before you, I can offer you two words “MEAT. POTATOES.” This is Godzilla on two wheels.
So if you are looking for a coffee can exhaust crotch rocket, a solar powered liberal mobile, or even an overpriced Harley keep on looking my friend… this thing is a 500lbs of fire breathing power.
This baby’s 700cc engine sends raw fuel through her v4 nuclear power plant.  That’s right 4 cylinders of heart pumping power.  This stallion has a 6 speed transmission with Overdrive and shifts like an absolute dream, every time.
If you are looking for the kind of bike that has to be pansy parked in the garage, so the “chrome doesn’t gets spots on it” Then hit the back button before I do any more damage to your gentle mind. Cause this thing has no panzy “chrome accents” This is a fire breathing dragon not a mirror to check your makeup in! So, you can leave your “sissy sponge glove wash kit” in the pink bucket it came in.
If you think you’re ready to taste the freedom of the open road on this beast…you should know that some things are gonna be changing.  What will be changing? Glad you asked...
1.      More chest hair.
2.      You’re growing a beard.
3.      Meat Only Diet.
4.      T-Rex for a pet.
5.      Wire bristled toothbrush.
6.      Chiseled jaw line.
7.      Flesh turning to steel.
8.      Promotions.
9.      More golfing.
10.  More tools in your garage.
11.  Bigger TV.
12.  Chuck Norris.
13.  Wrestling with bears.
This motorcycle has carried her passengers through 60,446 miles of battlefield...And just like a trusty steed this juggernaut has never left me stranded.
But if you think you’re going to get to whip this beast you better pony up Fourteen Hundred American Dollars.
I want a motorcycle but what if it rains?
How did you honestly make it this far in the ad? Any man who drives this beast doesn’t give a crap about rain. Not even skin melting acid rain, Cause he’s already dripping wet in blood, sweat, and the tears of lesser men driving their Prius home.
Does it get good gas mileage?
I guarantee it gets better gas mileage than the m1 abrams that you drive all winter
Is it hard to handle the envious looks off the average passerby?
You get used to it
Is it fast?
It will go as fast as your sense of well-being will allow you to
Can I test ride it?
Do I have the money in my hand? Do you have a license? If both of those are a yes, then I could probably let you.
Do you have the title?
Yes. This is America.  And in America we have titles for things.

He sold it in 2 days. After he received about 5 emails congratulating him on the "best craigslist ad of all time."

My husband is hilarious.

The legacy lives on.

1 comment:

  1. That is fantastic. Simply fantastic. Good job, Trent! I'm curious to know what he will be buying now!


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