Tuesday, November 11, 2014

An open letter to Charlie

Charlie, if you are reading this...I am sorry for the words I am about to type. An open letter to you...

Dear Charlie,


You called me at 8pm on a week night, right in the middle of something really, really important...

an episode of "Blacklist".

You are with the University of Missouri Alumni association. You say you are a senior there. That you are calling to update my contact information.

Sure. Here's my address (you already have it). Here's my email so you can bombard me with spam. Here's my job title. I don't care.

Then you throw this little monkey wrench in...you say we have the same major. The EXACT SAME. Communications with an emphasis in media studies.


Except it's not.

This leads you right into asking me for a donation of $175 for "students like you and me".

I see what you are doing here. I say "no thanks." I'm all about generosity, but not for this.

You start blabbing again, about lowering the donation "to a simple $150". I say no. You keep asking. I say no. You keep throwing numbers out until I'm like OMG you aren't going to stop.


Charlie. Listen to me man. A 25 year old grad doesn't want to donate money to a school that significantly raised their tuition...twice...within a 4 year period.

I've been out of debt for a whopping 3 months, after over 3 long years of paying it off. The next thing on my mind is definitely not how I can provide you with more money.

But you keep jabbering on.

And suddenly, in the heat of the moment, I find myself telling you I will never donate for the rest of my life. Like ever.

You probably remember this, by your lack of response. Looking back, I mostly regret saying that. Mostly.

After a moment of silence, you speak to me like I kicked your puppy. You say "Like...never in your life?"

Oh sweet, sweet Charlie. So little you know about life. Looks like it's my turn:

I tell you that Mizzou was awesome, then scare the living crud out of you by explaining that paying off debt now means you have "zero dollars" rather than "negative dollars".

Us communications folks, we aren't math wizards. Assuming, Charlie, that you actually are a Communications major (doubtful).

I think I won this war. By the end of our conversation, you were actually apologizing for calling. In which case, I sort of feel bad. But I also don't.

Live long and prosper, Charlie.

Katie Raines

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