Monday, March 16, 2015

Craigslist Ad for the American Stallion

Trent is so good at making craigslist ads, that he is being recruited to sell stuff.

I mean, I'm not even surprised. The man has sold two cars and a motorcycle in less than 24 hours. He has a gift.

Here is his most recent for our friend Lauren. Enjoy!

2013 Chevy Equinox LT Aka The American Stallion 

Pop quiz...what happens when a Military Hummer and a Toyota Prius have a love child?

Answer: CHEVY EQUINOX! The Equinox is also known on the streets as the "Red blooded American Stallion (Bald eagle sound)"

Perhaps you have thought to yourself recently... "Self...I want to drive up the side of an entire mountain." The Hummer would run out of gas half way up. The Prius would get stuck on a pebble. The Equinox summits the peak in record time...and only uses 1 gallon of gas to do it!

The only SUV more fuel efficient than this American Built Dream Machine is one that is powered by pedals....but we aren't 5th graders putting baseball cards in the spokes of our bikes. We are adults and we like to go fast.

Speaking of you know what it feels like to be pulled down the street by 182 thouroghbred horses? Think about that. Horses lined up for a straight 1/2 mile all pulling your car. Yeah...PRETTY IMPRESSIVE!

That is just the start...

Bluetooth? Childs play...Of course it has bluetooth. 

Remote Start? Tell me when you want to get serious...I haven't manually started this thing since I got it!!

Back-up Camera? Let's just say yesterday I drove home from work in Reverse the entire time*. AND DIDN'T USE THE MIRRORS ONCE! ...the best part is that it has OnStar so it would have been totally fine if that went poorly.

Enough already, I am sure you are about to faint from excitment. Let me take a minute now to calm your fears.

Fear 1: Not enough cargo space. I won't be able to fit a Buffalo.

Calming Info: First of all, why are you trying to put a Buffalo in your car? Also, why in the heck do you have a buffalo in the first place?! Is that legal? Anyway...stop worrying about cargo space. Just to put your mind at can fit about 35 professional quality waffle makers in the back. That is A LOT of waffles. If you think you need more space than that, you should probably see a doctor. You should not be eating more than 35 waffles in one sitting. Ew.

Fear 2: I am too weak to manually adjust my drivers seat.

Calming Info: Not sure where to start here...I would tell you to start working out but I am not sure there is a weight light enough for you to lift at the gym. Maybe go to the kitchen and start doing curls with sugar packet or a cruton. can rest easy with this space machine, the drivers seat is fully powered for easy adjustment.

Fear 3: I know I am going to look dumb saying this after "Fear 1" but I really need a good way to haul a fully grown buffalo.

Calming Info: WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND THE BUFFALO?! Goodness...If you must haul that 2000 pound animal with you every where you go...there is a luggage rack on the roof you could strap him to.

It has 29,700 miles...I know what you are thinking. Yes, it IS basically brand new.

This thing shines like a star in the night. Except it is black. 

This is basically the exact same car if you need more details:

You might have noticed that the one in the link has more miles and it is $1500 more expensive...To that I say YOU ARE WELCOME!

Don't snooze on this. Because snoozers are loozers.

God Bless America

*Please note that I didn't actually drive home in reverse using only the backup camera. I am not an idiot.

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