Monday, April 6, 2015
He is still good.
Many of you already know that my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks ago.
My initial response was...disbelief, probably.
(Reminded me exactly of Jen Hatmaker's talk at the IF Gathering)
The first time it became real to me was when I used the word "mom" and "cancer" out loud in the same sentence.
I stuttered over it, like those two words didn't belong together.
And they don't. Even with 5 kids, my mom showed up to my volleyball games, my swim meets and sat through cold soccer games. She taught me how to be kind to people. How to make someone feel important. How to notice the kid who needed a friend. How to shrug off things that don't matter.
My mom is an includer. An encourager. A creative thinker. A Christ-follower.
She is the most selfless person I know.
And my mom did NOT deserve cancer.
I sat and let myself feel on a drive home from Kansas City last week. My mom has responded so positively and trusting of God since being diagnosed. It's made it significantly easier to deal with, knowing that my mom is not afraid of death. Knowing that my mom is a woman of faith who believes that God is in control.
Still, I had to ask myself on that drive home, knowing my mom will spend the next 12 weeks pumping chemo into her body, losing her hair and fighting off a disease inside her, I had to ask myself, is God still good? A woman whose life has been so devoted to serving her husband and 5 children and countless others, a faithful Christ follower for more than 20 years, whom He has allowed to get cancer. Is He still good?
It's hard to say without tear flooded eyes, but YES.
Yes, He is still good.
It's one thing to say that God is in control. That He is sovereign and loving when life is good.
It's another thing to believe that when someone you love is sick.
I am so thankful that I haven't grounded my life on some self-help book or human relationship. There's no human element that can hold you above water when your life flips upside down.
Trent shared with me, years ago, a concept of "bleeding scripture" in times of difficulty. Since he shared that with me, I've thought many times...
"When life gets hard, I want to bleed scripture." I want my life to be so immersed in God's word that in the most difficult seasons of life, I pour out scripture.
1 John 4:18
2 Timothy 4:17
The enemy will not get the satisfaction of what he came to do...steal, kill and destroy. He has done the opposite.
My faith has been shaken, and God is still good through it all. These TRUTHS I hold in my heart. Never have I been more confident in my decision to follow Christ.
My mama is going to be just fine! And so am I.
If you would like to follow my mom's journey, she is writing at SandysJourneys.wordpress.com. She is open and honest and beautiful inside and out! She also has a great sense of humor :-) I think you would enjoy hearing what she has to say.