Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Broke and Carefree

Today I found my video iPod from college.

You guys don't understand how exciting that is. It's like a freaking TIME CAPSULE. It has not been touched in 5 years.

So I immediately hook it up to my car this morning and have a literal panic attack when Keke Palmer's "Bottoms up" is the first song to play. Party girl music was my favorite. I checked the iPod's "Top 25 Most Played" and Ke$ha snuck in 6 different times. Girl knows how to drop a beat.

Literally every single one of the top 25 was a happy, in-the-car-with-the-windows-down type of song. It took me back to my college days. To college Katie. Upbeat and care free Katie. Those days were the BEST.

Let me introduce you to more of care-free Katie.....I'm on Timehop today. I scroll through my feed  and come across dozens of "Happy birthday" posts from 6 years ago:


My first thought is obviously "Why are people wishing me happy birthday on August 25th!?"

...it's definitely not my birthday.

...Is Timehop accurate?!

...6 years ago I was a freshman in college.

AND THEN I REMEMBER.

Because I'm so clever and hilarious, I changed my birth date on Facebook and got all kinds of well wishes. People were so nice, telling me to have an awesome day.

So I woke up the next morning and made it my birthday again.

And then again the next.

And then again the next, for an entire week.

I AM HILARIOUS.

And people just didn't catch on. Someone would write "Hey, wasn't yesterday your birthday?" and the very next person types "Happy birthday!!" and the cycle continued. For 7 days. Best fake birthday week ever.

Freshmen year of college is when carefree Katie met carefree Trent. Because everyone is carefree in college, even if you don't know it yet.



Trent had a particular "job" when I met him, but I'll let him tell you about that...

Hi, it's me Trent.

College is so great.  Literally the best time of your life.  With one major exception...You are typically broke the entire time.

This leaves young men and women searching for solid streams of income ranging from waiting tables to begging on street corners to finding a rich friend who will buy you stuff.

Me personally? I sold my body for money.

(It's Katie. That was his exact words when he told me what his "job" was.)

Now before you go all church lady on me I was only selling my plasma.  

I would stop by your friendly neighborhood plasma center, located in the ally behind Little Caesars, twice a week and pump out a pint of plasma.

I started this my freshman year at Mizzou and continued with varying vigor until I was a junior.

The payout was as follows:

1st time that month: $25
2nd time that month: $25
3rd time that month: $30
4th time that month: $30
All remaining trips that month: $35

You could average 8 times a month, which if you do the math comes to $250 a month.

In college if you had $250 a month in extra income you were a king!  

Let me give you a typical breakdown of how I spent my cash:

1st month: Used Mountain Bike

2nd month:  1 - 12pack of Beef Ramen Noodles
                    4 - 24 packs of Dr. Thunder
                    20 - Boxes of various candy from the dollar store
                    2 - Parking tickets because I was too lazy to park my car where I was supposed to 
                    2 - Trips to taco bell with Katie
                    All remaining money was spent on more candy

3rd Month:  Exactly the same as the second month                

4th Month: You get the picture   

I know what you are thinking..."Trent a very large portion of your budget was spent on candy."

To that I would say, how else am I supposed to keep my candy drawer stocked?! One does not simply keep an entire dresser drawer full of candy without spending some serious cash.

At first Katie was slightly disturbed by the amount of candy I ate.  Then she came into my room and was so overwhelmed by the amount of candy wrappers on the ground that she completely forgot about the candy consumption issues.  A single human being can only worry about so much at a time.

I like to think that my candy consumption contributed to my amazing longevity and success as a plasma donor.  You don't just waltz your way into the plasma hall of fame. Hard work, dedication, consistency.

Outside of the necessities, I would occasionally have to sink a few dollars into my car.  A pristine Silver 1997 Ford Taurus GL.  The sweetest ride a guy could ask for.  Ford got it right with the taurus, or as I like to call it..."The Torsche".  I like to put it in the same performance category as NASCAR or Fomula 1...And they have to replace stuff after every race.  Just part of the deal when you drive a thoroughbred.

Anyway...if you need some cash and don't mind your arms looking like a crack addict...this is the PERFECT job.

It's Katie again. I asked Trent what he would spend his $250 on now. He said bills.

Adult life.


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